Hi friends! I'm still alive
Anyway I haven't updated my dA journal in 3 years! Time flies so fast, doesn't it?
Looking back, my journals back then were all a load of crap :'D They were full of rants, memes, and the occasional tags. But as much as I find them distasteful now, I'm grateful that I made those entries. They remind me of the friends I used to interact with a lot back then.
I was primarily active here on dA 6 years ago, and a lot did happen in 6 years. I lost old friends and made new ones; some I just had a bit of falling out with, but now I don't know where they are anymore because they deactivated their accounts. And I also made a mistake of shunning out a very important person in my life in a fit of immaturity. That, I truly regret. So if you're reading this right now, I just want to say that I'm sorry for what I did and for being too much of a coward to say sorry to your face. I know you won't forgive me and that's all right. Quite frankly, though, I am not ready to apologize to you personally yet.
Another thing that happened during the 6 years that I was inactive was I managed to improve the way I draw?? A bit?? I am still struggling in bio right now, but I think being a bio major has helped me with my art in the long run after all. I don't know if I still want to go into medicine. Right now, being able to illustrate things make me feel happier than say, learning new things out of a textbook. Besides, I don't know if I'm ready to take on the challenge of saving someone's life
that way. Maybe I can save someone in the way I currently know how, instead. And that way is through my art.
When I first started out as a digital artist, I was competitive in the sense that I've had this drive to surpass people in terms of number of followers or likes or comments and stuff like that. I still have those moments nowadays; after all, being competitive is something I've always been. I mellowed out a lot, that. Numbers don't mean as much to me as they used to. Right now I just draw whatever I want without pandering to other people, and I suppose that if I'm happy with the stuff I draw then maybe, just maybe, I can make other people happy too?
Everyday, I still strive to be a better artist of course. My desire to be a better artist hasn't waned at all in 6 years; in fact, I think it intensified? The thing that changed is that I don't have to validate myself with numbers anymore. I'm pleased I turned out this way, to be honest. Without having to seek constant validation from such an arbitrary concept, I can focus on being the best artist I can be. Needless to say, I am a better artist than I was six years ago. And hopefully, I've become a better person too.
I guess that's all for now?
I still cringe while looking through my old journals but like I said earlier, I'm glad a made them because they act like a diary of sorts. And who knows, maybe this entry will serve the same purpose in the near future as well <3
